憂傷的顏色

「憂傷是一種情緒，它能夠觸動我的心靈，我留戀憂傷的感覺，是因為我在憂傷的情緒中體驗到憂傷可以很美，如同寂寞秋夜的月光，靜靜凋落的花瓣。美得憂傷，也憂傷得美。憂傷的最後都曾經有一個感人的故事。就像情歌中，這個故事的情結並不重要，傾訴相思之苦、分別之情的感情最易打動人。憂傷的感情很像爆炸之後，最可怕的不是爆炸當中，而是平靜之後的無聲。」
--楊永生，「精神之光」

在藝術家2006的六月號上讀到畫家楊永生對於憂傷的描寫，覺得比他的畫還動人、真切。至於憂傷到底是什麼顏色呢？我還是說不上來。

《在月球的彼端》～Far side of the Moon

"Here on earth, we know the universe is infinite, yet we live life in a fishbowl..."
Robert Lepage, Far Side of the Moon

這部加拿大的影片，是羅伯‧勒帕吉自編、自導、自演的，還一人分飾性格迥異的兄弟兩角，讓人沒有辦法不佩服。電影本身也很棒，是好到那種在放映結束之後大家會拍拍手的程度。

far side of the moon 其實是特定用語，專門用來形容月球以前不為人知的那一面。第一張照片是蘇聯太空站在1959年傳回來的 ，看不大清楚。
















這張照片則是1998年10月8日，阿波羅16傳送回來的。












（高解析力的結果是讓我們看清楚它滿目瘡痍的表面。月球精心地以自轉週期配合公轉週期，好持續展現自己美麗的一面給世人，但我們卻執意地要看看另一面，然後再說它是"the disfigured face of the moon"。人類到底在想些什麼？）

這部電影的特殊之處，從哥哥菲力普兩次defense沒過的博士論文主題就可以窺知一二：the narcissism of space race--真是虧他想得出來。該翻譯成什麼呢？太空競賽中的自戀性格？

電影其實跟月球沒有多大的關係，不論是哪一面。倒是片中引用俄國太空科學家Tsiolkovsky說的話，似乎跟導演想要表達的意念有某種呼應：

The state of weightlessness is "the ideal refuge for those who find life heavy"

這其實是一場關於人生的inner space之旅，但卻以 outer space為軸線來發展，相當有趣而貼切。

Francois Giard~顧爾德的32短篇

中午，溜出去中山堂看另一部台北電影節的電影。

Giard拍的這部傳記電影，給人一種紀錄片的幻覺，他以顧爾德演奏的郭德堡變奏曲作為電影配樂，串連32個各自獨立的短篇。

然後，有了一個活生生的顧爾德。

有顧爾德眼中的世界，有世人眼中的顧爾德。

關於電影，在網路上看到一篇很不錯的介紹與分析：http://www.srcs.nctu.edu.tw/joyceliu/mworks/mw-movies/Gould.htm


* * *
不知道是因為聽了顧爾德而喜歡巴哈，還是因為巴哈而迷上顧爾德。反正就喜歡上顧爾德的巴哈，尤其是郭德堡變奏曲(或者也包含其他，我老是把巴哈的作品混淆在一起）。

據說這部曲子是由32個基礎低音架構而成，還有一套嚴謹卻具有彈性的數學關係，不過我對樂理一竅不通，只聽得出來它不斷地重複，但每次都有一些變化（這就是所謂的變奏曲吧！）。最神奇的是，聽多少次都不會厭倦。實際上通常更本不會注意到這首曲子到底重複播放了幾次。

旋律是那種我完全記不起來，但一聽到就會明白的。
就像是一幅標名為無題的畫，只給你顏色與構形，不提供任何故事與主題，也沒有喜悅、熱情、感動、哀愁甚或是慰藉。
就像是看到Miro, Rothko or Pollock的畫作一樣
在還沒弄清楚畫面的意味時，就先認出其獨特的風格。

巴哈音樂的純粹
讓人體會到，原來聲音可以如此串連與堆疊，原來鋼琴的音響效果可以如此。
顧爾德的演奏給予琴音一種「質地」，有那種「大珠小珠落玉盤」的味道。

我想他們兩個很配吧！

在我不盡完整的顧爾德錄音收藏中，有一SONY1995年的《顧爾德的一生》（gleen gould images），包含有兩片CD，一片名為Glenn Could plays Bach，另一片是Glenn Gould plays not Bach。喜歡它不是因為錄音特別好（其實大部分的時候我都聽不出來有什麼差別），也不是曲目好，而是覺得切割得相當好。這位製作人真是相當天才，彷彿又創造出另一層的「對位」關係！

巴哈的這一片，從義大利協奏曲、二聲部創意曲、法國組曲、前奏曲與賦格到郭德堡變奏曲……我都區分不太出來。隱約中有一個整體感覺，該如何形容呢，如果能把Glenn-Could-plays-Bach當作是形容詞，應該就是這樣吧！

而非巴哈的部分，曲目都是常常聽到的，但顧爾德把它們變得很不一樣。，至此，體會到演奏家的詮釋力量有多大。但我好像比較偏好正常一點的版本。

奇士勞斯基～地獄

昨天去看了《地獄》，因為影片介紹中提到這是奇士勞斯基遺留的電影腳本之一。

對奇士勞斯基，總是有些期待的。
(照片取自台北電影節網站：http://www.tiff.org.tw/2006TIFF/Programs/Programs_Z.aspx?ID=145&a=E&b=2)

在網路上搜尋後才知道，這是他所構思的但丁三部曲之一，分別是天堂、地獄與煉獄。 前兩年天堂的部分已經拍成電影了，是由凱特布蘭琪主演的，片名叫做天堂奔馳。網路上說這部電影叫好不叫座，看來的確如此，我一點印象都沒有。據說已經出DVD了，應該會去找來看看。（仔細想想，奇先生的作品好像都是以女人為主軸，或至少佔有很大的比重，不論是之前的三色系列，還是現在的但丁三部曲）。

地獄這部影片的簡介，很多網站上都有，藍祖蔚的這篇還不錯，補充了一些background：
http://blog.infocom.yzu.edu.tw/twlai/archives/2006/04/20060417.html

看完電影以後，有一種說不出的震撼與疑惑，好像有一點明白，但又不完全瞭解所謂「地獄」的意涵。就跟以前在藍白紅中看待自由、平等、博愛一樣。

片中有一幕提到古希臘悲劇作家尤里皮底斯(Euripides)的美狄亞(Medea)。在金羊毛的故事中，美狄亞為了幫助愛人（Jason）取得金羊毛並順利逃離自己的國家，不惜背叛父親，殺害弟弟。但最後愛人移情別戀，拋棄了她。美狄亞最後殺害了他們共同的兒子，並且獻上一件塗有毒藥的禮服來殺害丈夫的新歡。片中的女主角之一認為美狄亞知道殺害兒子是懲罰丈夫的唯一方法，而且也暗示著自己母親延續美狄亞精神的可能性。

衛報的影評，透過這個希臘悲劇來闡釋電影中所謂的「地獄」：

The classical, Euripidean dimension comes in realising that we are all Medea's children: murdered in spirit by an adult's anger, or revenge, or perhaps just whim, and condemned to live our own grownup lives as undead sacrificial lambs with cargoes of emotional anguish that will one day be discharged only by cruelty to our own children. And so the hell goes on.

http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,1757362,00.html


看完這篇文章，有一種豁然開朗的感覺，但也有一種悲痛。
發現原來我們都是美狄亞的孩子。
So the hell goes on.


有時候對自己必須透過他人的文字來理解電影而感到悲哀，但又覺得這部電影能讓我這麼努力的在網路上research，應該稱的上是一部好電影吧！

The Shadow of the Wind

Just finished reading Carlos Ruiz Zafon's The Shadow of the Wind, and begin to feel like re-reading it again.

Felt like having a journey to Barcelona, and still trapped in there, in the labyrinth of Zafon's words.

Can not say anything but agree with The Philadelphia Inquirer, which said, "[the book] will remind you of what it is like to read the first novel that brought you into the world of words, and the power it held, and still holds over you."

I didn't remember what my first novel was and how it impressed me. But with this one, I come to realise why I keep collecting books of this kind, how much I've admired great storytellers ever since I can read, and even dared to dream to become one. The cruel fact that I will never ever be a novelist doesn't prevent me from addicting the world of words, rather it makes my way to read and to appreciate them.

Suddenlly, running a cafe shop with a bookstore attached comes across my mind. I can almost picture it. Maybe I will go to a book store to get a part-time job to learn the tactics of book business later.

come across--《遇見》

-- what fascinates me in this picture is beyond me,
perhaps i shouldn't say anything about it but just see.

Beauty lies in numbers-《數大便是美》

不記得徐志摩是如何討論數量成為美感中的一個要件。

也不清楚在面對這些景物時，真正撼動我，讓我想要舉起相機，留下影像的原因是什麼。

是那其中的規律嗎？
是錯落有致的排列嗎？
還是相互應和的韻律？
或是一種可以稱為「力量」的感覺？
Strengh lies in numbers, too.

Be it plant, animal or mankind
Be it living or dead.

在旅程中，總是一次又一次為數量所展現的美感與力量驚嘆。

Fallen leaves, Dartmouth














Seals, Pier 39, San Francisco












Black Beach, San Diego















Residiental area, Boston














Graveyard, Boston

Night colour of London

For some unknown reasons,
London in my memory is always in grey tones,
though this city is, in fact, very colourful,
particularly the night colours--

-Golden Jubilee Bridge






鄰近皇家節慶音樂廳的橋上附有行人專用道
對剛剛聽完音樂會的人來說彷彿是一種緩衝
讓人不疾不徐地沿著橋走回原來喧囂的世界
（Royal Festival Hall 非常體貼地將當日沒有售出的票改成六磅的standby ticket賣給貧窮學生們，對那時的我來說，真是無比的享受。）

-London Eye & Big Ben












有時候會留戀、或是貪圖這醉人夜色
而改走另一座橋，可以一直走回羅素廣場的宿舍
算是相當好的夜間運動。

-Theater for Lion King













Lion King的舞台是我看過最多采多姿的
還沒開場前就覺得很熱鬧，忍不住拍了一張
不過音樂就是沒有其他的音樂劇感人。

-Moving along the Oxford St.


















深夜坐在沿著牛津街前行的巴士上
可以感受到城市生命的律動
不過多半時候我都和人群方向相反
希望早點回到住所
安眠一晚
也許倫敦的夜色對我來說從來就是色彩而已 ，

-Flying above London










要站得夠遠、飛得夠高
才能看到這樣的美麗。

California on the track

2 years ago, travelling in California.

while it only took 2 or 3 hours to fly from San Diego to San Jose
i chose to take train
because of its slowness-literally "slow", took me more than 12 hours
but it was fun.

the train was called "Coast Starlight"-海岸星光號












attached with dining car and sightseer lounge
the flloor-to- celing windows gave the magnificent scenery along the coast-I spent most of time here when i was awake.










we passed the pacific ocean,









the swamp,









the vine yards,









the state penitentiary(we were informed by the train driver- he seemed to enjoy himself as a tour guide, always remind us to see the "unmissable" scenes),








the "bigness" and "emptiness" of land,








the solitude of a streetlamp,










the stylish but abandoned station,









the seemingly timelessness scene,









and even the rainbow.

自由隨想～1

一時衝動買了村上的《海邊的卡夫卡》英文版 ，可能是因為封面的貓長得很詭異，受到牠的蠱惑。 但也覺得，第一次讀中文版，第二次讀英文版，或可彌補無法讀原汁原味日文版的缺憾，而達到最接近原作的可能。

自己起名為卡夫卡的逃家男孩，在廉價旅館的第一天晚上，想著:

I ...think hard and deep about how free I am, but can't really understand what it means. All I know is I am totally alone. All alone in un unfamiliar place, like some solitary explorer who's lost his compass and his map. Is this what means to be free? I don't know, and I give up thinking about it.

H. Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

這讓我想起多年前在倫敦的生活，尤其是一開頭的幾個月，還有幾次的遠行 。
（一個朋友稱之為這是我的self-exile journey，相當貼切）

I got the same feeling as him - being absoltely free and completely alone.


"Is this what means to be free?"寂寞的時候，或是在火車上、公車上或是飛機上看著窗外流動風景時，也會這樣問。如果夠專心的話，還會繼續問"free from what exactly?"然後通常就進入"give up thinking about it"的階段。離開了工作，離開了家庭，離開了長期生活的島嶼；不再是一個國家的子民，不再是誰的助理，誰的兒女，誰的姊妹，誰的朋友，這就是自由嗎？。being free and being alone之間是怎樣的關係呢？

一個人的時候，不見得都是自由的。一心想要尋找新生活的卡夫卡，在逃家的旅程上卻暗自打量著，在車上遇到的女孩是否會是失散多年的姊姊，在圖書館遇到的幽雅婦人，是否就是久未謀面的母親？關於過去，他擺脫了多少，這就是新生活，新世界嗎？

書只讀到十分之一處，一切還是個謎。人生也只活到不知道幾分之幾處，還不明白要如何才能活得自由自在 。

Homage to Van Gogh??

Did not realize the painting looks like a weird combination of Van Gogh's several works in the beginning. Just someday when I was cleaning up the room, I found it in the conor. And begin wandering whether it represents my homage to Van Gogh or just kind of plagiarism- be it consciously or unconsciously.

Still remember how impresssive it was when I first saw the Starry Night of his, even though it was just a fake one. I was studying star watch during that time and I knew he got it-the beauty of night. Not a single picture of high tech could compete with his works which told me more about the sky than all the others.

Never doubt that one of the main reasons to push me to do oil painting is Van Gogh but now I feel a bit sad about the similarity between mine and his. It's already a sad thing to copy nature on the canvas, what's more, is to copy somebody's. (And, the saddest thing is it is not as good as his.......)

Van Gogh's passion to painting natural scenes moves me, but what can move me from his style of painting? Nature itself?

最好的時光‧Three Times

週五的晚上。不想回家。大世紀電影院。

這好像是我的第一部侯孝賢電影，以前也許零零星星有看過，但總之都不記得了。我想以後應該還會試試看吧。挺有意思的。

看到三分之二接近四分之三處，眼淚忍不住掉下來，是在完全無關緊要的地方，實際上整部電影更本沒有什麼緊要的地方，沒有那種感人肺腑、催人熱淚的鏡頭。真是感謝導演。

只是覺得漸漸為一種氣氛所包圍，被一種情緒所感染，然後那些醞釀的、蟄伏的、莫名所以的淚水就無聲無息地出來了，連我自己也嚇了一跳。

用三個不同時空背景下所截取的故事片段來呈現所謂「最好的時光」，彷彿是在說（或者是我感知到）人生中最好的時光是追尋、是等待、是不確定、是試探、是無關緊要的枝微末節、是一旁微弱的燈光、是一個姿態或一個眼神、是恣意妄為、是茫然、是捕捉到與捕捉不到的瞬間、是逝去的與失去的。

至於誰愛著誰、誰又負了誰，到最後決定和誰在一起，其實似乎並沒有那麼重要。


就像是一次次旅程中窗外的風景，有時候那比目的地還迷人許多，而當時又是帶著何其輕鬆的眼光在看待它呢？

眼淚，興許是因為察覺到自己的無知愚昧而流的。終究，難以做到去珍惜每一個當下。也或許，只是追悼那逝去的時光。

Is the colour of loneliness gray?

Can u image the colour of loneliness?
Is it clear or transparent as if nothing is there?














Or is it in such chaos that makes me lost in?














Probably, it is just in black, gray & white without so-called colour
(but, they are fundmentally colours too. just like feeling nothing is a kind of feeling.)















I say it is in a gray tone,















because that's what i see, i feel and i conceive...

Gidon Kremer & Tango music

just went to Kremer's concert a month ago, and it was very impressive-that's why I wrote about it one month later.

I don't really know if I like this musician or more precisely speaking, the artist . But everytime I see his new albums in the CD shop, I would stop in front of them and think is it worthy a try? is it beautiful? Does it bring something new and interesting or completely unaccepable? all these are my experiences of listening to his music.

I almost have a collection of his recordings, from the well known classical pieces of Mozart, Beethoven, and Vivadi to contemporary composer's music, like Philip Glass, Arvo Part and particularly, Piazzaolla, the master of Tango music.

Couldn't remember the first time I listened to Kremer's version of Tango music, but it completely broke down my idea of it. Though never heared of it, I alway think tango music is passionate with quick tempo and make people excited. But it went very deep and for some unkown reasons, brings a sense of sadness( talking about severl songs in the album of "Tango Ballet"). I guess that's part of the sound effect of string instrument, however, the way he plays it probably works more.

Anyway, it's because of Kremer, I know the music by Piazzaolla. Don't like all of them, but some of them are really touching and beautiful. In this sense, I really admire him and appreciate the way Kremer doing his art, as he said,

"As an artist I am also alway a traveller, and as such in search of an ideal."

I have to say I don't like all his innovation on music, but Ialway expect him bring me something unexpected.

London on chairs

我想因為生性懶散的緣故，總是不經意地尋找可供休息的地方 ，即是在旅行時，也是如此。

不論是在地鐵裡，還是在街上

結果發現椅子無所不在，而且造型各異
（難怪我如此熱愛這個城市！！）

於是，椅子自然而然成為我的焦點之一 ，

發現椅子不但可以成為風景的一部份 ，

本身也是一處風景，

不僅喜歡坐在其上，

也喜歡透過它，看看周遭的世界 。


而且發覺連椅子上的人們都饒富趣味 、

各有姿態，

深刻體悟到椅子的功能絕不只是讓人坐下來而已 。